My father loved to tell an awful old joke. Given the fact that both Romania and the US are about to hold elections worthy of an awful old joke, here it is:
There were two best friends – two construction workers who had grown up together, gone to school together, played football together, entered the army together, learned the same craft, found their first jobs together, married at the same time, moved to the same neighborhood, and now sat and drank and talked every evening together.
Oddly, though, despite the fact they worked for the same company, in all their years they had never been assigned to the same construction site. They always ended up working on different projects. Then finally, one day, it happened – they were told that the next day they would be working together.
So there they were. It was the first day on the job and they were as happy as children. After working the morning shift, lunchtime finally came. The two friends sat down on a bench together, opened their lunch boxes and took out their sandwiches.
“Mmmm,” the first man said as he bit into his sandwich.
“ARGH!!” shouted the second man.
“What’s the matter?” asked his friend.
“PEAYUT BUTTUH!!! UH HATE PEAYUT BUTTUH!!! ARGH!! It shticks to duh roof uf muh mouff. Uh kint shwallow. Uh kint bweathe. PEAYUT BUTTUH!!! EEEECH!! UH HATE PEAYUT BUTTUH!!!” And with that, the man spit out his mouthful of sandwich, wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and threw the rest of his lunch on the ground.
“Here,” said his friend. “I have an extra sandwich today. Take this one. Really. I’m not that hungry.”
“Thanks,” said the man. “Oh, this is good. Wow.” And as he took another bite, he repeated very quietly: “Peanut butter. God. I hate peanut butter.”
Several hours later, the two men finished their work day, went for a beer on their way home, and agreed to drive together to work again the next morning.
The next day came. The two worked happily through the morning. And then the lunch whistle sounded.
Sitting down on the bench, the two opened their lunch boxes and took out their sandwiches.
“Mmmm,” the first man said as he bit into his sandwich.
“ARGH!!” shouted the second man.
“What’s the matter?” asked his friend.
“PEAYUT BUTTUH!!! UH HATE PEAYUT BUTTUH!!! ARGH!! It shticks to duh roof uf muh mouff. Uh kint shwallow. Uh kint bweathe. PEAYUT BUTTUH!!! EEEECH!! UH HATE PEAYUT BUTTUH!!!” And with that, the man spit out his mouthful of sandwich, wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and threw the rest of his lunch on the ground.
“Here,” said his friend. “I have an extra sandwich today. Take this one. Really. I’m not that hungry.”
“Thanks,” said the man. “Oh, this is good. Wow.” And as he took another bite, he repeated very quietly: “Peanut butter. God. I hate peanut butter.”
Several hours later, the two men finished their work day, went for a beer on their way home, and agreed to drive together to work again the next morning.
The next day came. The two worked happily through the morning. And then the lunch whistle sounded.
Sitting down on the bench, the two opened their lunch boxes and took out their sandwiches.
“Mmmm,” the first man said as he bit into his sandwich.
“ARGH!!” shouted the second man.
“What’s the matter?” asked his friend.
“PEAYUT BUTTUH!!! UH HATE PEAYUT BUTTUH!!! ARGH!! It shticks to duh roof uf muh mouff. Uh kint shwallow. Uh kint bweathe. PEAYUT BUTTUH!!! EEEECH!! UH HATE PEAYUT BUTTUH!!!” And with that, the man spit out his mouthful of sandwich, wiped his mouth with his sleeve, and threw the rest of his lunch on the ground.
“Here,” said his friend. “I have an extra sandwich today. Take this one. Really. I’m not that hungry.”
“Thanks,” said the man. “Oh, this is good. Wow.” And as he took another bite, he repeated very quietly: “Peanut butter. God. I hate peanut butter.”
Several hours later, the two men finished their work day, went for a beer on their way home, and agreed to drive together to work again the next morning.
This went on for weeks and weeks. Every day the same. Every day the lunch boxes would open. Every day the: “PEAYUT BUTTUH!!! UH HATE PEAYUT BUTTUH!!! ARGH!! It shticks to duh roof uf muh mouff. Uh kint shwallow. Uh kint bweathe. PEAYUT BUTTUH!!! EEEECH!! UH HATE PEAYUT BUTTUH!!!” And every day his friend would give him a sandwich.
Until one day, the guy had had enough. And as he turned to his friend to hand him the sandwich, he said: “Look! I’m tired of this! I’m tired of your shouting! I’m tired of your peanut butter! I’m tired of sharing! And mostly, I’m tired of your complaining! WHY DON’T YOU JUST ASK YOUR WIFE TO MAKE YOU SOMETHING OTHER THAN PEANUT BUTTER SANDWICHES EVERY DAY?!!!”
“My wife?” the other man replied. “I make the sandwiches.”
Enjoy the election.
1 Comment
Your father always had great jokes.